[国际新闻] 约会新趋势：先上网“审查”对象

日月光

以前，男女约会一般都是两个人一起相处，逐渐发现对方优点和缺点的过程，也许偶尔还会有亲戚朋友来帮忙把把关。但在如今的网络时代，两个人在约会前就可以对对方进行一番详细的“审查”。  & `# e" a2 u6 ?: w4 Q
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　　事实上，互联网搜索功能的日益强大，已彻底改变了约会的“游戏规则”：对约会对象进行一次“谷歌搜索”，如今已经成为美国人约会前的“必做功课”了。当然了，网上做些“家庭作业”没有错，但最终决定应留到两人真正面对面的交流之后再做。  
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　　●典型个案：充分利用“谷歌”搜索  4 T' q" {! P2 R4 y7 A

/ L. D) j: m6 J/ Y　　24岁的卡蒂•莱尔德是网络营销专家，她是在网上遇见现在的丈夫亚当•桑德沃的。莱尔德说：“我经常对那些还在约会的朋友说，一定要充分利用‘谷歌’功能。”  # Q; f/ q7 x6 k1 q
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　　事实上，如果用“谷歌”对约会对象进行一番搜索，经常会有一些有用、惊人，甚至可怕的发现。因此，莱尔德通常会在提供建议时附加一句忠告：“不要对自己无法承受的内容进行搜索。”  
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　　这些都是莱尔德的亲身体验。在约会前，她一般都会先上网对约会对象做一番研究，有时甚至会发现他们非常“怪异”的一些爱好，比如，她的一个约会对象就对吸血鬼特别着迷。莱尔德说：“这可完全不是我想要的，我绝不会想和这样的人见面。”  1 }- u+ b4 w5 Y# S  `; F( ?: B% s. r- [
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　　●最新趋势：个人网页成新名片  
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& b/ K" k: R$ f. G　　从某种程度上来说，个人网页如今已经成了一种新的名片形式。无论认识或不认识对方，人们可以通过这些网页看到别人的照片，发现别人和自己的共同点。  % E" @- Y+ D* k
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　　23岁的布莱德•怀特就是这样一个例子。刚刚大学毕业的他在酒吧通过朋友认识了现在的女友后，马上就上校园社区网搜索有关女友的信息。  www.csuchen.de# c( M# t; S, O+ B- Y% q7 L$ P
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　　●普遍现象：信息搜索非常容易  人在德国 社区. d& G9 X  e4 I+ \$ Q8 F' K5 o
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　　美国旧金山大学传媒系的助教戴维•希尔沃一直在研究网络文化。事实上，就连戴维本人也对如今能在网络上搜索到的信息量感到惊讶。只要有一些创造力，再加上一些网络知识，一个人就能搜索到几乎所有信息。一般来说，如今在网上很容易就能搜索到个人的一些基本信息，比如电子邮件地址，而通过这些电子邮件地址，经常能找出这些人在网上使用的昵称，还有一些人甚至愿意花钱查看付费的个人资料。  
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+ ~0 M! X( Z. L1 S3 u6 b, }' y8 e1 o　　玛丽贝斯•莫尔就有这样的经历：有人给她介绍了一个不错的男孩。在接到电话后，莫尔并没有太当真。不过，她抱着好玩的心理上网搜索了一下，结果发现了该男孩的博客，并在博客上张贴的照片里惊讶地看到男孩洗澡时的裸照。24岁的莫尔说：“我马上就取消了约会。”　 9 `8 v0 |: H* F6 f3 W: x
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　　●专家：现实约会更重要  
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　　当然，有时候，网络搜索也会出现张冠李戴的现象。  / F4 v5 l( h5 o* S  @  c% B  [: y
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　　31岁的利莎•菲利普就是这样一位“受害者”。她发现在网上输入自己的名字后，竟然出现了一位色情明星的许多照片。刚开始时，这让她感到非常不满。  人在德国 社区7 x1 G- m! K6 A! S1 j

/ h$ T& z2 F3 L  H: s& {& Uwww.csuchen.de　　不过现在她已经能对此一笑置之了。利莎说：“这肯定不是我想给约会对象留下的第一印象。这让人非常尴尬。”  www.csuchen.de! u2 e$ i6 q2 {+ A3 u3 l5 N

4 z  Z8 C( f6 Bwww.csuchen.de　　精神病专家保罗•多布朗斯基是《我们坠入爱河的心理秘密》一书的作者，他认为，人们应该对搜索到的网络信息持“有所保留”的态度。多布朗斯基说，在网上做些“家庭作业”并没有错，但最终决定应该留到两人真正面对面的交流之后再做。  
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; g4 F4 T+ u* R4 m7 M　　也许，正如30岁的纽约人丹尼尔•马尔蒂内蒂所说的那样，网络搜索只能起到一定程度的辅助作用，“真正疯狂的事情要在现实的约会中才能发现”。
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Online searches change dating dynamic3 y) [3 w5 }  P. m: W6 Z4 T1 |
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4 k) O/ R: q3 {Dating used to be largely a matter of spending time with a love interest, discovering the good, the bad and the ugly in person. If you were lucky, friends helped fill in some of the blanks. These days, the Internet – and the ability to check people out before they ever meet up – has forever changed the rules. For better or worse, "googling" your date has become standard practice.
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"I often tell my friends that are still in the dating sphere to use the power of Google to their advantage," says Katie Laird, a 24-year-old Web marketing professional and self-proclaimed "social software geek" from Houston.
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The results can be enlightening, surprising – and sometimes, a little disturbing. So Laird's advice also comes with a warning: "Don't google what you can't handle."
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Hers is the voice of experience. In her dating life, she regularly did online research on her dates and turned up, among other things, "bizarre" fetishes and a guy who was fascinated with vampires.
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, [% U( _- X: U* p人在德国 社区"Not my scene at all," Laird says, "and nothing I would've ever guessed over an initial meeting and beer."
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She also had to contend with an on-again, off-again boyfriend who googled her on a daily basis to try and track her every move. The story did end happily, however, when she met her future husband online.
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In some ways, having a social networking page – or pages – has become the new calling card. It's a way for people to check out photos and find out what they have in common, even when they've already met in person.
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- s  s& M0 L7 |% h  u6 t# B! P6 jThat was the case for Brad White, a 23-year-old recent college grad in Chicago, who met his current girlfriend through friends at a bar – and immediately looked her up on Facebook. "The commonality of our music taste and friends is what prompted me to ask her out," White says, "obviously, besides the attraction."人在德国 社区6 y/ G  i2 L& T( A$ ?
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The details people find also can provide a few talking points to get past the initial awkwardness of a first date – though not everyone likes to admit that they've done their research.
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8 z5 V& T3 }* G4 t' n"It seems like in contemporary dating, it's this elaborate dance between two people who already know a lot of what their date is talking about, but they can't admit it," says David Silver, an assistant professor of media studies at the University of San Francisco who studies online culture.人在德国 社区/ m0 `' g  J, D
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"You nod your head with curiosity, but you already know what they're going to say."www.csuchen.de, D* P6 [; I) j9 S7 C" A+ o

6 i9 }! j, x# H! Q5 u. J+ D0 T  uEven he is amazed at the level of information that can be dug up these days.人在德国 社区/ l! i6 T0 _/ W7 I

* @( y2 Y3 R2 l3 q! }With a little creativity and Internet savvy, a person can find anything from blog postings to news stories that might include personal details – and whether people are telling the truth about their age and where they've lived.
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; c6 q" y  |8 `0 gIt helps to know some basic details upfront, such as an e-mail address that could help turn up an online nickname; some go as far as paying for an online background check.
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6 i; k3 [0 d- C( Z0 Z6 jOften, though, information is almost too easy to find.
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MaryBeth Moore discovered that after she got a call from a guy her mother's hairdresser suggested as a good match. At first, Moore was game. But then she checked out his MySpace page and found photos showing him naked in a bath tub./ M$ K+ i/ g# t, {* l; d

) c9 w, m1 N* V# v" g. k9 r1 ^4 |7 d"Don't worry – I canceled the date," says Moore, who's 24 and lives in West Palm Beach, Fla.
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There's also the problem of mistaken identity.1 W" z6 {# S6 o9 D+ u2 A

& Z; u5 q6 p) ]www.csuchen.deLisa Phillips, a 31-year-old San Franciscan, was not pleased, for instance, when a search of online images turned up photos of a porn star who shares her name. She can laugh about it now.
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( l" {: m' ~% J) q"But it's definitely NOT the first impression I want to make with my dates," she says. "Very embarrassing."
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2 P9 A" c( B$ d( X& p人在德国 社区It's a big reason people should take the information they find online "with a grain of salt," says Dr. Paul Dobransky, a Chicago-based psychiatrist and author of "The Secret Psychology of How We Fall in Love."
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3 C! l# X6 m/ lwww.csuchen.deHe says there's nothing wrong with doing a little online homework – but thinks the focus should remain on face-to-face interaction to make a final judgment.人在德国 社区: b* w# Z& V: ~8 ?* `
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"Our minds are more made for in-person, slow contact in getting to know one another," Dobransky says.
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In the end, Danielle Martinetti says online research really only helps to a point, anyway. "The crazy stuff usually becomes apparent on the actual date," the 30-year-old New Yorker says.! `+ t+ `6 S# a2 V( I! _+ V9 w; n" y+ o
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"No amount of online searching is going to tell you that a person has issues with his mother, loves to be described as a George Clooney look-alike, has an overzealous obsession with hand sanitizer, or that he prefers to sit facing the door in a restaurant 'just in case.'"